Saturday, August 22, 2009

A little musical interlude

I luff this song, very, very much at the moment.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Friday night

Glass of wine.
Candles lit.
Children asleep.
1500 words written.
Feeling sleepy.
Ignoring the worries.

Nite nite all x

Thursday, August 20, 2009

So the doctor thinks it is probably okay

I went today - really dreading the experience if truth be told.
I'm not accustomed to getting my boobs out in public and I'm certainly not accustomed to letting people I barely know have a feel of them.
But needs must. I kept thinking that if something is up, I'd rather know that spend my life worrying about it.
I went and the doctor did an examination while I tried not to cringe with embarrassment (which was easier than it sounded because my GP is lovely and put me at ease).
Anyway, the upshot is that yes, she felt a lump. No, she doesn't think it is anything serious. But it needs checking anyway - so I just have to wait for a referral to the local breast clinic and see what happens.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Things that go bump in the night...

Okay, so I'm off to the doctor tomorrow.
And I may have to expose a breast.
I am very nervous about that but I can't ignore the fact that I think I may have found a lump.
Of course I did just have a baby (well, 5.5 months ago) and it most likely will be nothing. After all 95% (or something) of breast lumps are nothing - apart from lumps, obviously.
But I feel a little jittery.
And being me I feel a little catastrohphy-y (NB: I'm allowed to make up words. I am on "me nerves").

I shall report back... hopefully with a "and guess what, the darn lump went away before I even had a chance to get me baps out" story...

Random Conversations with the Boy... Jacko

Okay, I'm in a narky mood.
And Joseph is all in my face and being five (as five year olds are want to do).
I kind of lose it. Just a little.

"Please," I plead. "Just give me peace. Just for two minutes. Please."
J: (on a death wish) "Why do you need peace mammy? Why? Why do you need peace?"
Me: (Rather than tell him he is doing my fecking head in) "Because I'm in a bad mood and just need to calm down a little. Just give me two minutes."
J: "Who are you in a bad mood with mammy? Is it everyone in the world? Is it (pause for dramatic effect) Michael Jackson?"

You have to laugh.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Wee snippet from my new book....

We all know someone like this, right?

She was physical perfection, with her long legs, glossy hair, flat stomach and amazing sense of style. She had boobs that could make grown men weep and grown women want to gouge her eyes out. She had skin that never seen a spot or blemish – not even when she was 14 and pumped full of hormones. She was one of those jammy bitches who could get away with not wearing make up and not only did she not look any worse for it – her skin was so damn peaches and cream perfect that no one really noticed. I swear she produced her own lipgloss naturally, secreting it from her Angelina Jolie- like pout effortlessly. Simply put, she was gorgeous. But she couldn’t dance. Not even a little bit.
As she flailed and flounced to her own beat while Gloria Gaynor got into full disco queen mood, I smiled to myself. And then, I got funky.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Well it made me laugh

I put the girl's hair into a mohican today.
Pictures will follow.
No, this does not mean I'm losing it.

And the word count is now 52,000... on the nose.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

The great lasagne adventure


Let it be known, I am a rubbish cook. I mean, I burn smilie faces. Annabel Karmel has nothing to worry about when it comes to me.

In fact my renowned crappiness in the kitchen means that when I actually cook something that does not poison the whole house or ming like you wouldn't believe then I feel ridiculously proud of myself.

Well, it began last week with the lovely lunch at Anne Dunlop's house where she made a yummy vegetarian lasagne.

I thought to myself that I could give it a go - there was no tricky white sauce to deal with, just a concoction made of ricotta - and so when I went to do my weekly shop I stocked up on the ingredients I was faily sure Anne had used. I bought tinned tomatoes, fresh basil, broccoli and ricotta.

I was sorted.

But I couldn't find a recipe (and Anne, I believe is on the other side of the world just now and too busy to worry about such matters as sending recipes to me).

I googled - but nothing seemed to fit.

So I posted on Facebook and my friends came to the rescue - except now the lasagne had morphed into some kind of spinach cannelloni hybrid and there was more cheese to be bought.

So I went back to Tesco and bought yet more ricotta, and some spinach (the broccoli has been pureed for the baby...) and some mozarella.

And I went home and prepared to cook - but no, I didn't have any oregano, or parmesan or creme fraiche. So I went back to Tesco - the cost of this dinner now adding up to about £3000* due to all the other things I remembered I had to buy in the supermarket each visit.

And I still wasn't convinced the whole thing wasn't going to go to hell when I - with my burn water cooking skills - got my hands on it.

Meanwhile hubby has announced he hates ricotta and isn't a big fan of spinach while the boy says he doesn't want lasagne, he wants pepperoni pizza....

I opened the wine.

And I started cooking - chopping garlic (my hands still pong...) and shredding basil leaves an wilting spinach like a good un. I even put on my apron and felt all "uber mammy" about it.

Here I was preparing food for my family (who wouldn't eat it... but still) and there wasn't a hint of a fish finger or a jar of pre-prepared sauce anywhere.

I grated, I chopped, I sprinkled, I added pinches of things - herbs and seasoning and I drank more wine.

I cooked it all and it worked out okay. In fact it was bloody lovely. And even the "I hate ricotta" husband ate some and declared it delicious. The boy tasted it - but opted for the pizza anyway (he's fussy like that) and there is a tonne of it left. We'll be eating it for a week, no doubt.
And yes, I am so proud of the fact that I have to blog about it. And Yes, I know that is sad.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Random Conversations with the Boy - continued

The boy is in that delightful "all bum jokes are hilarious" stage.
So today he said the word "ass" and fell about laughing. Of course I should have adopted my best serious mummy face and told him off but the context was very very funny.
My niece was commenting to my sister that she loved her handbag as it was really cool and trendy.
I mocked offence and asked my niece "Are you trying to say you don't just love my huge big red..."
(I was going to finish this sentence with "changing bag")
Which is exactly when J butted in ('scuse the pun) with "ass"?"
We did of course tell him that was not acceptable language and he asked why.
My sister replied: "Because it just isn't J. It's bad enough when you say bum or butt, never mind ass."
The boy looked at us, a wicked glint in his eye and proceded to sing
"Bums and Butts and asses, oh my..."

I didn't know whether to ground him or sign him for the Edinburgh Fringe.

Big Girls Do Cry...

A report released this week has revealed that women over the age of 26 (that would be be then) cry for an average of two hours and 14 minutes a week.
Apparantly we cry babies are most likely to get blubbing over a soppy film, a falling out with a partner, a bereavement, feeling tired or hearing someone else’s bad news.
Interestingly the survey found that the only age group which cries more than us grown ups are babies under the age of two.
Yes, on average, women over the age of 26 shed more tears than the average pre-schooler having their requisite 94 tantrums a day and bursting into tears over everything from Peppa Pig ending to the lack of a decent supply of Smarties when they have a sugar craving.
We grown women also cry more than teenagers going through all the hormone overload and teenage angsty stuff. I’m pretty sure I spent most of my teenage years weeping about one thing or another in an overly dramatic fashion from the state of the environment to the demise of my favourite pop group. I almost had to be signed into Gransha when Bros split up and went into an official period of mourning for at least a week.
I think as many of us get older we find that we become more emotional. I’m certainly more prone to letting down my defences and having a good oul cry from time to time.
That blasted ad for SMA, for example, can have me weeping into my cup of tea while I don’t even try watching sad films any more after a very unfortunate incident following my viewing of ‘What Dreams May Come’ with my husband. I think I used up a few weeks worth of crying in that night alone and had a headache for two days afterwards.
Needless to say falling out with my partner (which nearly happened when I couldn’t pull myself together after watching ‘What Dreams May Come’) is upsetting – and it’s hardly surprising that the survey found people tend to cry over a bereavement. It’s hardly rocket science that either falling out with the person or people who mean most to you, or losing someone you love will have you reaching for the hankies. There are few people who can experience such things without letting their emotions out in a damn good cry.
I’m not surprised that ‘feeling tired’ ranks up there in the top five too. We all seem to be busier than ever before – even with the invention of labour saving devices – and there is a culture out there at the moment of keeping going even when you are sleep deprived, ill and feeling as if you are running on empty. I’m sure there isn’t a person reading this who hasn’t, at least one, had a ‘stop the world I want to get off’ moment and yes, I admit some of my most spectacular crying fits have been when I’ve been over tired. Those will generally be the times when I lose it all together and do one of those horrendous ugly cries where anything I try to say comes out as inaudible snorts and squeals and I’ll phone my mammy and cry on her shoulder. (The husband is still too traumatised by my previous big crying fit to cope with me on emotion over load any more).
What does surprise me, however, is how hearing other people’s bad news really can affect me in a way that it never used to. It isn’t a case that I used to be hard hearted but recently I find that it takes very little to have me sobbing. If I hear of someone losing their job, of someone trying to cope with a sick child or ailing parent, or if I just hear that someone else is finding life a little tough I do find myself more affected than ever before.
Bizarrely I can also find myself welling up at things which really, actually aren’t that sad at all. I remember vividly visiting the boy’s school for an induction meeting and looking around the big assembly hall, imagining my wee man there, and having to fight back the tears. He wasn’t with me and the headmaster was wittering on about the uniform code but something in my brain found this overly emotional and I had to take a few deep breaths to steady myself.
Thankfully I’m also more likely to shed happy tears this weather. There is nothing better than laughing til you cry or being so overwhelmed with love or admiration for someone that you get misty eyed. I’ve cried when friends have married, when they have had babies, when they have achieved their goals and dreams and some times just when I am sitting in a room with them having the craic and I realise that I’m very lucky to have those people in my life.
Crying is a healthy way to release our emotions and while I think no one other than women really get the concept of a “good cry” I’m glad that I don’t have to feel I should bottle up my emotions, be they positive or negative.
If that makes me a cry-baby, then I’ll happily wear my title with pride.

Pick up your order at Collection Point A

I've decided I'm going to give Cosmic Ordering a shout.
I figure if it worked for Noel Edmunds, it might just work for me.
So, according to my wee daily messages from the Universe all I have to do it ask for it, go and get and think like I already have it. In other words, fake it til I make it.

So here - if I could pick my future from the catalogue of life - is my list

  • A book deal outside of Ireland. I love Poolbeg and all who sail in her and I hope to be a part of the Poolers family for many a year to come - but someone else will publish me and I'll be proud as punch to find out how Rainy Days and Tuesday translates into Polish.
  • A resurgance in house prices so that my wee house stops veering towards negative equity and back in the right direction. Not massively - just enough. I will be paying a decent interest on our remortgage and thinking "Phew, I worried about that?" for years to come.
  • I will be self confident and sure of my own worth - as a friend, a mother, a sister, a wife, a daughter an employee and as a writer.
  • I will no longer sweat the small stuff.
  • Happiness for my children - they will be confident, happy, likeable children.
  • And a cordless phone. (Wait! This isn't Argos???)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The quest to get the damn book finished continues

It seems the more I write, the more there is to write.
Maybe it is because the book has taken off and reached that very exciting big story arch bit, or maybe it is because deadline is looming but I just want to get it done now.
It's the best thing I've written. It's gonna be huge (I'm cosmic ordering, okay?) and I'm so excited about it I just want it done and out there.

48,200 words down... 61,800 to go....

Monday, August 10, 2009

Seriously, sweat and fish... who thought that was a good idea?

I'm traumatised by that Lynx ad on the telly at the moment where the man keeps two fish alive in his arm-pits due to his excessive sweat.
Seriously, who thought of that?
The very thought of carrying wriggling fish on your body and under your arms is just wrong, wrong, wrong.
The sweat bit is gross but not as gross as the damn fish.

Sunday, August 09, 2009

The surreal side to this writing game

Seventeen (or so) years ago a very lovely author lady called Anne Dunlop walked into a classroom at Thornhill College and spoke to a group of 15 and 16 year olds about writing.
She led our writers' workshop for weeks and sat through a lot of very painful teenage prose - most of it from me.
I read her books (The Pineapple Tart trilogy) and thought she was perhaps the coolest person on the planet on account of her mad red curly hair and fantastic gold shoes. And she wrote about grown up things and teenage love affairs and all the sorts of things 15 and 16 year old girls aspire too.
When she finished the course she signed my copies of her book and wished me more confidence with my writing.
And when I did my first ever work experience at the local rag she was the first person I did a proper interview with. I still remember the headline "Anne has the Write Stuff" (inspired or what?).

So all those years passed and I became a writer myself and struck up a friendship with fellow Poolbeg author Sharon Owens who had in turn struck up a friendship with Anne - who had just recently returned to writing after a 10 year sojourn to Bahrain and Africa and all sorts of exciting places where she married a very lovely man called Nick and had four gorgeous children.

Anne and I shared a few emails and yesterday I found myself, along with Sharon and her lovely family, at Anne's house in Co. Derry enjoying vegetarian lasagne and chatting about everything from books to birth.

And all I could think was this is the lady who had the nice gold shoes who wrote about shifting and f**k me knickers and who didn't run from the room when I wrote the most godawful shite about Bob Monkhouse (Seriously... I cringe at the very memory) and I'm in her house, with her family and the lovely bestselling author Sharon Owens having the craic.

And then she asked me to sign a copy of Rainy Days and Tuesdays... which was too weird, and too wonderful for words.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Friday night ponderings...

Okay, so I'm a little hungover today. Last night I went to my friend's house to celebrate her engagement. It was a girls only night - just me, my friend, my sister and her sister and a couple (okay 5ish) bottles of fizzy wine.
The craic was great - I laughed more than I have done in a long time - til my sides ached and my eyes filled with happy tears - and this meant a lot to me because this particular friend and I have gone through a very tough patch the last few years.
It's strange to think that 5 years ago I would not have contemplated so much as cutting my hair without discussing it in great detail with this friend. She knew everything about me and we kept each other company through the best of times and worst of times.
I saw her blossom into a loving and caring mother, a beautiful woman, a talented dancer but somehow - be it through my depression, my own journey into motherhood or just life, we drifted apart until things were said, wounds were opened and such nights of sitting, yapping, enjoying the craic were all gone.
But last night it was how it had been. We laughed - ridiculously. We screamed at her very bling-tastic engagement ring and I got all emotional listening to her tale of falling in love with her very own Tom Austin.
I did impressions of being in labour with Cara. We discussed butt plugs (for my book, in fairness, not from personal experience). There were references to dominant Germans in the bedroom, there were memories of when her little girls were very tiny and from when we used to dance the night away.
Today, hungover, I can't decide if the experience made me very, very happy or very, very sad. Am I more happy that the friendship is being rebuilt? Or more gutted for what has passed and cannot be undone?

I'm being unduly deep for a Friday night and no doubt doing a typical Claire and thinking too much about it all. I should just embrace the journey. What has passed has made me who I am - be it this friendship going to hell and back, be it depression, be it shouting "Pressure, pressure, pressure, pressure" in a kind of Janice from Friends voice when in labour...

We are all the sum of our experiences and yet it is hard to look back on the sad times and appreciate them for the learning curve they are. Sometimes they just feel like sad times.

The universe likes me

Keris recently brought the whole Notes from the Universe thing to my attention.
Okay, so it's a bit geeky. You sign up and you get sent a message every day - basically saying very positive, life affirming things.
But ya know what, it helps. It's put a wee smile on my face from time to time and makes me think that yup, I can do this. I can get through this day. I can get through this week and what happens or doesn't happen to me.
When my mood is dipping - as it is at the moment a little - it gives me a little glimmer of hope.
It will be okay.
Things will work out.
Life throws all sorts of things at us and we just have to realise it part of a journey.
(That was me, by the way, and not the universe).

But the universe did tell me this much...

If you can just remember where this is all going, Claire, no road will be too bumpy, no night will be too lonely, and no price will seem too great.
Plus, with just a wink your confidence will bring peace to nations.


ETA for those who asked the link to sign up for the notes is here
http://www.tut.com/

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

I read this quote tonight

And I loved it.

So true...

No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow - Alice Walker

That's one for us all to remember!

I can't believe she is five months old today

I can't believe how fast the time is going - how quickly she is growing. How she is developing this amazingly funny and cute personality. How her cheeky smile can light up a room. How she can let us know - through screaming very loudly - that sleep is for wimps. That she is placid and docile the rest of the time. That she is everything I dreamed of. That she has the fluffiest, softest hair I have ever kissed.
That the way her little chin juts out when she is chatting makes my heart melt. That I get to dress her in pink things. That she smiles with her eyes. That she chats nineteen to the dozen already. That she has made me love her brother even more. That one person really can complete another. That she is perfection.
I don't know what I did to deserve her.... but I'm glad I did.

Monday, August 03, 2009

You take the High Road

Just in case any readers of this blog happen to be heading to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival over the coming month I thought it would be nice to point out that my brother - the very talented Peter E Davidson - will be performing with his comedy ensemble 'Love the Concept' at the Gilded Balloon (which is apparantly a vay vay big deal) throughout the entire month.
See them, have a laugh and never look at pound shops the same way again....

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Note the progress

in the wee widget-y doodah which marks what progress I'm making on my next novel 'Finding Annie'.
I've set myself a 1000 words a day challenge - with the hope of reaching 50,000 words by this day week.
I'm in the writing zone so my writing efforts are going into fiction and not blogging at the moment - but please note some of the changes to this blog.
If you look at the sidebar you can now read extracts from all three of my books.
This week I'll add a diary which shows what I'm doing and when - and will hopefully highlight some press coverage also.

It's not really in my nature to push myself in this way - I'm really quite reserved (no laughing at the back) but needs must. It's a competitive industry out there!
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