It's a year today

Until I have to fit into my wedding frock againb! I'm giving myself a year to get to goal. Only now I'm realising it is a tall order. I have 57lbs to lose, in 52 weeks.
That's a lot. It doesn't leave much time for slacking - although in theory I've lost an average of 1.57lbs each week since I started WW 14 weeks ago.
However the last few weeks have certainly been harder than the first few and it's going to be a bit of a battle to get there in such a relatively short space of time.
I find that quite intimidating.

The wobble is gone but I face a couple of challenges...

On Saturday I found myselft staring at some new fad diet thingy in Boots. I can’t remember the name of the programme (my brain says Tony Robinson but I know that is *so* not right.. turnip soup anyone?) but it involved shakes, packet soups and diet bars.
It promises to melt the weight off ye (or similar) and I admit, I was tempted.

You see I’m 11 weeks into WeightWatchers and a journey that will no doubt take me around a year to get to goal and forever more to stay there and I know I've gained this week - not much, maybe a lb, but that puts me a lb further away from my goal.
In fairness I'll have gotten away with blue murder if I have only put a lb but when you have many, many lbs to lose well it all feels a bit much from time to time.
I'm trying to break it down into smaller goals but it is harder to think "Yay me!" when you are still in the same sized clothes and still on the warning level of the BMI scales. Slinky and svelte is a long way off.

My meeting is tonight. My usual WW companions aren't going so if I'm to go I'm to go on my own. This does not make me happy. To add that I'm going on my own in the knowledge that I've put weight on also does not make me happy.
A part of me (a big part, like my right thigh or something) doesn't want to go at all.
I do feel more in control now. I feel I've got my headspace right and I'm ready to start again with renewed vigour. I've bought new foods to try and have been out and about walking a little which has helped boost my natural endorphins. I feel I could be back in the zone for next week's meeting without having to face the scales of doom... but I can't hide from the journey - tough and all as it is. I have to take the rough with the smooth and have faith that one day, I'll make it. I've just over a year to go to the wedding dress deadline, so I have to.

The quest to fit into the dress rumbles on...

... as does my stomach.
I lost half a pound this week. A little part of me was disappointed. A bigger part of me was relieved. You see I had a dodgy Easter which hadn't shown on the scales. I knew it was following me around and was going to show itself at some stage - and there it was, last night with a small loss.
Which was better than a small gain (and definitely better than a big gain).

I now have 4.5 stone to lose, on the nose, to get to goal. This will actually have me thinner than I was on my wedding day - wouldn't that be a joy to slip the dress on and have it be too big? Although with two babies since then and a tummy which resembles the wrinkly skin that forms on the top of cooling custard, it is unlikely.

I have my own personal goals - smaller ones. It will be a big deal for me to lose another 9lbs, which will bring me into a new stone bracket.

It will then be my mission to get under the next stone bracket after that -I will really feel as if I'm making progress by then.

My BMI has already dropped 2.5 points. Unfortunately I will need to lose another 30lbs to no longer be classed as obese. Isn't it a little sad that I'm looking forward to the day when I can dance around the house shouting "I'm overweight! I'm overweight! Look at me, I'm over weight!"?

It has shocked me to work that out. That, in essence, I was 47lbs (more than three stone!) into the obese category. I knew I was heavy but that heavy???

Ah well, we march on... eating healthy and shedding weight. I'll get there eventually.

The wedding dress

Next year I will have been married for 10 years. (If we don't kill each other between times).
It will also have been 10 years since I fitted into the gorgeous Ivory Duchesse Satin Ronald Joyce gown which I glided up the aisle in.
With a boned bodice, off the shoulder detail and a sweeping full skirt it was *the dress of dreams*.
I loved it. I felt gorgeous in it. Looking back on the pictures I looked gorgeous in it - of course at the time I thought I was a big fatso bride.
By the time I came back from honeymoon (having put on the honeymoon half a stone) it was snug. By the time we reached anniversary number one it didn't fit. It has never fit again.
I dream (literally) of sliding it on and pulling the zip up effortlessly. I dream of feeling like a princess again.
But I'm a long way from princess-ness. I'm (gasp) almost 4 stone heavier than when I glided up that aisle and two dresses larger. My body is also irrevocably changed due to two pregnancies and the passing of ten years in which life has often been stressful.
It dawned on me last night, as I lay down to sleep, that I want to wear that dress again. And it's a goal I've not set myself as part of my ongoing Big Fat Weightloss Challenge. I hope, please God, that by May 26 of 2011 I'll be able to fit in my frock again. That gives me 13 months to lose just under four stone...at 1lb a week that is doable.
I promise if I do I will post a picture here for you all to laugh at see.