I'll tell you what I want... what I really, really want

Are you sick of it yet? They haven’t even released a single, or stepped on stage yet but I’m seriously wishing the Spice Girls would please, please go away.
I kind of liked them back in the day. I mean I enjoyed singing and dancing to “Who Do You Think You Are?” in a rather drunken state on many a night with my friends (most notably Amanda - who went the whole hog and had the ‘Ginger Spice’ hair and all).
And I thought that ‘Goodbye’ was a nice wee song - but as for the rest of them, they and their zig-a-zig-aahs remain confined that place in my brain where all twee pop songs melt into one big song which I don’t know the words too. (I often think I know the words, until I try singing it. I do this a lot ,much to the annoyance of the boy who is a lyrical genius. My latest singing faux pas is ‘I Don’t Feel Like Dancing’ by the Scissor Sisters - after the first line I’m completely lost, but I make up random noises in time to the music to pretend I know the words.)
As for the girls themselves, I thought Emma Bunton seemed like a nice sort. You know, she would be your friend and not bitch about you behind your back. Mel C, aka Sporty Spice always looked like she would hit you a slap while Mel B, aka Scary Spice was indeed scary. As for Posh and Ginger (aka Victoria Beckham and Geri Halliwell), they always just seemed to be vying for the top spot.
As far as I was concerned, with all the talk of in-fighting and bulemia, mental illness, anorexia, etc the band were not so much about girl power as they were about being a pack of bitchy girls who would have made my life hell had I been at school with them.
I didn’t shed any tears when they split up - to be honest the thought of their reuniting has me more upset. You see we all know they are in it for the money. They don’t really want to be together as a band. They have their own lives with their own levels of mediocrity to deal with and I personally think some things are best left in the past. They are all older, wrinklier and our opinion of them is jaded from years of constant and continual media coverage of everything from their love lives to their cellulite, their questionable fashion sense to whether or not they have an outbreak of spots.
Frankly, I think I speak for a lot of people out there, we actually just don’t care.
And it’s all been made worse by this week’s reports of fights during the video shoot for their new single. Emma, who God love her only had her baby 10 weeks ago and is a bundle of hormones anyway, has been bursting into tears. Posh has been acting the diva with their massive entourage, Mel B has been more concerned with practicing for the American version of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’, Geri has been annoying everyone with her new age claptrap and Mel C fears the whole thing may lead her to have another nervous breakdown.
All this kind of takes the shine off the notion of reliving our youth dancing to ‘“Who Do You Think You Are” in a packed concert for £75 a ticket.
It’s a far cry from Take That reuniting. (And for the record I wasn’t a huge Take That fan - again some of their songs were okay but my heart will forever and always belong to Matt Goss of Bros fame... no other boy band could ever earn my adoration, apart from Westlife). You see when they got back together, everybody - even those who didn’t like them first time round - got kind of excited.
We wanted to see them do well, if only to spite that ego on legs Robbie Williams. We knew they sort of actually needed the money (unlike La Beckham) and - perhaps in the biggest shock of all - when they started bringing out new songs they were actually better than the original material. As they set about putting on showstopping concerts the length and the breadth of the country, we were all cheering them on.
Even though they kind of looked like the cast of the Full Monty, with their wobbly bellies and not-so-designer stubble. I’ll admit it, I have a new admiration for Gary, Mark, Howard and the other one (never can remember his name) and with every new success that comes their way I let out a little internal cheer for the triumph of the underdog. They seem like nice people - I wish I could say the same for the Spice Girls (apart from Emma).
So with the exception of Take That and - of course, Wispas (I’m addicted, I swear they’ve put cocaine in them or something), some things should just be left as fond memories. Reunions and comebacks rarely work, instead they taint our memories.
I’ve often longed to relive certain highlights of my past but when I visit old haunts they have changed so much that it sullies my own happy memories. The in-fighting the spice camp is doing this already, and the tour hasn’t even started yet. Retire gracefully girls - remembering that if you can’t play nicely, it’s better not to play at all.