Thursday, January 27, 2011

It was only a cosy toes

It was only a cosy-toes. One I forgot I had, to be honest.
It's pink (what other colour could it be?) and it went on her buggy - the one my aunt keeps in her house when she minds her.

This morning my aunt gave it back to me. Cara is too tall for it now, she said. Maybe I knew someone else who could make use of it?

I looked at it and then at the toddler, with her hair in braids, her mini Uggs on and her trademark smile and a part of my heart just broke.

She's gorgeous. She's lovely and sweet and funny. Last night before bed we listened to Matt Cardle sing 'Just the Way You Are' and I sang it to her while she stroked my face.

I love her. My heart actually aches with the love I feel for her. I crept into her room late last night and just stroked her face, her fine, brown hair damp with sweat against her cheek, her gorgeous toddler hands peeping out over the top of her duvet. I stood there and I told her I loved her.

I love the wee lady she is becoming. I love her cheeky personality. I love how when I look at her I see nothing but love and trust staring back at me.
She's gorgeous. And I don't just say that because I'm her mammy - she is actually a stunningly beautiful child. People still stop me in the street to tell me that and I swell with pride.

When I saw her wee red patent shoes sitting on our bathroom floor later again I felt something in me shift. My child. My daughter. My baby. A Chara. My friend.

I feel as if I have just woken up.

But when the cosy-toes was handed back to me and I realised that almost two years of her life have already passed and that I have missed so much of it my heart snapped. And I had to hold back the tears.

My darling, precious, gorgeous baby girl. I will try harder.

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