Oh dear- one may be broody...

Oh, I'm just so confused at the moment. Basically I had a wee pregnancy scare on this month which admittedly was probably just me being over dramatic and silly but I had a lot of symptoms (boobs on fire, bloating, sickness, exhaustion) and my cycle is all weird- so I just wondered..
Anyway, the old hag arrived last night and the thing is I was no way ready physically, financially etc to have a baby but if it happened we would have coped- we would have struggled- but I think secretly I would have been delighted. (My doctor probably would have run screaming for the hills but that's another story.)
Now tho, I know its not happened and I'm gutted, even though it is so for the best.
I know that I'll not really be in a position to ttc til summer 2007 (after my sister's wedding) and that just seems like so long to go. (Means J would be 4.5 by the time a new baby came along by which stage I would have my life back and would I really be ready for the nappies/ bottles/ baby boke madness again?)
So I guess I sort of hoped for a happy accident.
Anyway, I'm all confused now about what I want. Part of me wants to through caution to the wind and TTC now- even tho we are financially in a shit position and I stil want to lose weight before embarking on another pregnancy. (Still 1.5 stone heavier than my pre preg weight with J).
Oh, I'm so hormonal I just want to cry or snap at people and I've surprised myself with my reaction to all this.

I may need to eat chocolate today...