Monday, March 30, 2009

Is the mad mammy back?

I think she is trying to come back - or I could just be very tired.
It was a given that once this baby was here I would go on PND watch big time. It didn't help that I had a rubbishly stressful pregnancy due to external circumstances and boking my anatomy on a regular basis. Part of me feels a little traumatised by it all - not to mention the trauma of having your nethers shredded by a super fast baby.
So far I've been doing okay. I have a few times each week where I snottery cry everywhere (generally over my husband, who looks on befuddled). Some times this is because I'm vay tired. Some times this is because the baby is too darn cute. Some times it is because Joseph still needs me and I can't be there 100% for him. Some times it is because I long to write, but can't find the time. Some times it is because there is a y in a day.
I'm a big believer in "better out than in" so when I wanted to cry, I had a big old sob. I don't see the point in letting it all fester.
But what worries me now is that "Robomum" seems to be wanting a look in again. She's the name I gave to the uber efficient mammy who surfaced after J was born. She was deft at getting the bottles organised. She always had milk in the fridge and her laundry basket was always empty (my washing machine has packed up on the pressure of the excess washing, for the record). She did it all - brilliantly - but she didn't appreciate her baby enough.
Up til now I've luxuriated in spending hours hugging my little girl, breathing her in, cradling her in my arms and on my chest. But the last two days I've been handing her over while I clean, or organise or do whatever needs doing and when I hear that cry I cringe a little. (She is colicky and her cry would cut through you).
I'll go to her, of course I will. And I'll soothe her. And I do adore her so very much, but I need to keep Robomum at bay. She's a bit of an uncaring cow and she doesn't deserve her lovely children.
Then again, maybe I just need a sleep and to keep taking the prozac.

1 comment:

Penelope said...

Oh bless your heart! I remember this so clearly, despite it being squillions of years ago.
The house will always be there, so will the laundry, but the babies will grow fast.
You sound knackered and I'm not surprised! Crying is good though. I did mine on the bathroom floor when everyone was asleep. Of course, I didn't have a blog then. A blog would have helped :o)
*Hugs* and email anytime!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...