Saturday, June 20, 2009

The Wall...

I think there comes a time when every parent of a new infant hits "the wall".
Translation for the wall?
"I love you with every fibre of my being and I would die in an instant for you but I no longer remember who I am. I have become a winding, burping, feeding, nappy changing, laundry washing drudge. I have given up on trying to lose weight and my rubbery tummy is actually quite comforting. Sleep? I no longer remember the concept and even when I do sleep it is NEVER enough. I am always tired. ALWAYS. I hate going to sleep because I know I will wake up and when I wake up it will be the same again... the same nappy/feeding/ changing/ talking rubbish routine until bedtime. I have developed a love/hate relationship with the steriliser and while bath times are fun, I wish I could have one myself.
"I wish I could have a soak and not listen out for you. I wish that you would still be there and will always be here and don't get me wrong, I would crawl into the ground and die if anything ever happened to you... but this is hard work. Damn hard work. And I want to be again - even just a little."

And this is all worse second time around because I knew what I was getting myself in for anyway and still did it. SUCKER!

Can you tell i have hit the wall? This is the longest marathon of my life filled with worry, stress, drudgery and so much more.
But it is wonderful too. I love her. I love her so much it catches in my throat and I want to scream about her wonderfulness.
It doesn't take away the drudgery however.

4 comments:

Helen said...

Oh I so relate. I hit this same wall a few weeks ago. My life is groundhog day at the moment.

Yummy Mammy said...

I feel this is the very reason why women are by far the more superior sex. Sleep!!! What's sleep!!! I'm 8 years down the line pet and have learnt to manage off very little. Once the feeding, burping, nappy thing is over then child presents you with a whole new set of worries and tasks. And as they get older the worries just change.

Motherhood is the best/worst job in the world. The hours are crap, the pay losey and the appreciation, zilch. But the joy, words can't even describe :-)

P.S. I'm reading Rainy Days at the moment xx

♥ bfs~"Mimi" ♥ said...

OOOOoooohhhhh....that last couple of lines or more made me want to cry. How I remember that feeling!

Deborah Riccio said...

Crikey - that made it all come back with a thwack! I know this isn't what you want to hear and you know this already but IT PASSES... it does. And five minutes later they don;t need you anymore and then you start to feel all useless for whole other reasons... oh god, pass me those tissues, will you?

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