Friday night ponderings...

Okay, so I'm a little hungover today. Last night I went to my friend's house to celebrate her engagement. It was a girls only night - just me, my friend, my sister and her sister and a couple (okay 5ish) bottles of fizzy wine.
The craic was great - I laughed more than I have done in a long time - til my sides ached and my eyes filled with happy tears - and this meant a lot to me because this particular friend and I have gone through a very tough patch the last few years.
It's strange to think that 5 years ago I would not have contemplated so much as cutting my hair without discussing it in great detail with this friend. She knew everything about me and we kept each other company through the best of times and worst of times.
I saw her blossom into a loving and caring mother, a beautiful woman, a talented dancer but somehow - be it through my depression, my own journey into motherhood or just life, we drifted apart until things were said, wounds were opened and such nights of sitting, yapping, enjoying the craic were all gone.
But last night it was how it had been. We laughed - ridiculously. We screamed at her very bling-tastic engagement ring and I got all emotional listening to her tale of falling in love with her very own Tom Austin.
I did impressions of being in labour with Cara. We discussed butt plugs (for my book, in fairness, not from personal experience). There were references to dominant Germans in the bedroom, there were memories of when her little girls were very tiny and from when we used to dance the night away.
Today, hungover, I can't decide if the experience made me very, very happy or very, very sad. Am I more happy that the friendship is being rebuilt? Or more gutted for what has passed and cannot be undone?

I'm being unduly deep for a Friday night and no doubt doing a typical Claire and thinking too much about it all. I should just embrace the journey. What has passed has made me who I am - be it this friendship going to hell and back, be it depression, be it shouting "Pressure, pressure, pressure, pressure" in a kind of Janice from Friends voice when in labour...

We are all the sum of our experiences and yet it is hard to look back on the sad times and appreciate them for the learning curve they are. Sometimes they just feel like sad times.