Friday, February 12, 2010

Worth remembering

A while back my lovely writerly friend Keris put me on the 'Notes from the Universe' thing - where basically you receive a life affirming message each morning.
I look forward to my notes. I always read them and feel a little bad deleting them when they are done. Inevitably they lift my spirits.
So this morning I clicked onto the email which read

Think that it's fun, Claire, that you're guided, and that all is well; that there's time, that life is easy, and that the best has yet to come.
Think that the reasons that elude you will one day catch up, that the lessons that have stumped you will one day bring joy, and that the sorrows that have crippled you will soon give you wings.
Think that you're important, that you cannot fail, and that happiness always returns.
And think that you're beautiful, Claire.
I do.

I've highlighted certain phrases because this week I have been crippled - the Mad Mammy is trying to make a return and I have felt more than a bit overwhelmed. I've felt overwhelmed by work, by the responsibilities of parenthood, by exhaustion and by cripplingly low self esteem. There is is a voice in my head on a constant loop of "fat, stupid, ugly" at the moment and that is NOT fun.
At times like this - when I can feel myself slipping again mood wise I wonder what the point is. I have been down the depression road so many times - and each time I have a major slip I slip a bit further and it takes a bit longer to climb back out.
This time may not be a major slippage but the fear that it could is heart-stopping so that sometimes a bad day feels like the start of the end of the world. When I have several bad days in a row I really start to get scared.

So the message I got this morning was very apt and I'll be reading a few more times over the coming days and hoping that in a while I will be able to breathe easier again and that I won't be so close to tears morning, noon and night.


Jessie said...

Hi Claire- I usually have a wee look at some of my favourite blogs before I start work- (ahem maybe that should read "instead".)
So I read yours this morning because I'm a fan of your work. I feel for ya with the negative inner self talk- it's annoying isn't it how it's easier to think negative than positive :) I hope you get a kip soon, as that really messes with peeps. And also that you have a laugh over the weekend. Tomorrow's a whole new day and it's one day at a time. Have a good day! J

Debs Riccio said...

Bless you Claire, I feel for you. Like Jessie said, it IS so easy just to feel sad and negative - and it's such a wrench to get out of once you're down. But you already know that. Sleep deprivation is a bugger and this damned weather and dark mornings don't help. Little Pockets of Bliss a daffodil poking it's head out to see if it's clear for spring yet. Just take it easy and don't beat yourself up about it. Listen to your body and just breathe. S-l-o-w xxx

Catherine said...

I find that when I'm slipping it can help to take things as slow as I'm able and arrange a little time out to spoil myself to a wee shopping trip and coffee, or quiet time with my fave book, or my fave treats and a fave film. Even just letting the ones I love know I'm feeling delicate and to look out for me can help. I hope you feel much better soon, but most important of all, don't be hard on yourself for feelin down - you will feel better in time - it just takes time to heal. And if each time you go deeper and it gets harder, it shows how much stronger you are because you combat it each time and find your way up again. Lots of love, ((hugs)) and fairy bubbles sweetie. xxx

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