Shock, horror! Nadine is human!

So Nadine Coyle has cellulite. Stop the presses. It seems that our lovely local lass’s legs are once again headline news - but the truth is, do we really care?
And do newspaper editors really think that we really care?
The Daily Mail this week (I know I shouldn’t read it, but it helps give me a focus for my anger) published one of those “shock, horror” type exposes about the 23 year old’s “losing battle with the dreaded dimple thighs”.
It makes it sound oh so serious, doesn’t it? There is something in the Mail’s reporting which puts the dreaded dimple thighs up there with Rabies, the Ebola Virus and Bird Flu.
We have to wonder how the stunningly beautiful, successful and talented young Derry wan gets out of bed in the morning. Surely the weight of her dimply thighs weigh her down to the bed? Surely, as she wanders about in her hot pants and designer Uggs the only thought going through her head should be the godawful state of her legs. The shame of it.
Of course when you look at the “shocking” photos of our Nadine, her “dimply thighs” look just fine. She may or may not have the eeniest bit of cellulite or it might just be a bruise.
Either way, I doubt she is losing much sleep over it. She is a fit, healthy and attractive young woman at the top of her game. She is among one of our most successful exports and has achieved the adoration and admiration of thousands of fans.
The pictures of her a week before performing at the Isle of Wight would have the average Derry woman turning green with envy. There wouldn’t be a chance in hell that I would ever, or will ever, fit into any of the figure hugging outfits La Coyle has been wearing, nor is there any chance that even nipping out to the shops I would look half as glam.
If The Mail want to see what real cellulite looks like they should stop off at Buncrana Road some morning where they will be able to see a harassed mammy/journalist/ author with dreaded dimple thighs that could make a grown man weep. (Or indeed a grown woman). W
e’re not likely to be shocked that Nadine has (possibly) some dimples on her thighs. If the average observer is anything like me they will be staring at their own definitely dimpled legs and wishing for a good dose of dysentry to shift a few pounds (or stone) and a year with a personal trainer to sort themselves out.
A few of us may even have started to look at the vacuum cleaner with a keen eye wondering if it would be at all possible to perform a DIY liposuction job.
Now I’m a journalist and I know that the summer season is a quiet one. It has long since been known as the “silly season” when stories which wouldn’t normally make the news seems to find their way to the front of the paper - but I don’t get how - even on the silliest of silly days, one little patch of imperfection on a singer’s legs is newsworthy.
Then again, in the same edition the paper debates whether Catherine Zeta Jones has gotten too skinny, discusses the £11,000 Britney has spent to get back in shape and lambasts Desperate Housewives star Nicolette Sheridan for her bingo wings. Radio One DJ Chris Moyles had an accident with some hair clippers too - so you know the paper has proved they can give men a touch as well.
But I do wish with all my heart that people just didn’t care who had cellulite, or who has lost a bit of weight or put on a few pounds. It’s just boring and all smacks a bit of the school bullies who sit at the edge of the playground trying to look tough and cool by slagging everyone else off.
I didn’t like those kind of girls in school and I don’t like them now as an adult. Surely there is nothing noble about spending your working day spotting imperfections in others and holding them up for the world to see. (By the way, before you write in, I’m aware I’m doing the same - but what I’m criticising here is lazy journalism - what they are criticising is ordinary women with imperfect bodies.)
There are few if any women out there who are flawless and I’m of the firm belief that she without wrinkles should cast the first jar of body firming cream.
I suppose, however, I should be envious - not only of Nadine and her designer pins - but also of those people out there in newspaper land who have nothing more substantial to worry about than which celeb has exposed a tiny flaw that day.