Friday, January 18, 2008

Evil, evil mummy

A debate (when I say debate read that as full on war) on one of the forums I use about the perils of being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mummy) as opposed to working.
It started innocently (ish) enough with a question about how SAHM's cope with comments such as "I could n't possibly do what you do. I would be sooooo bored", which I admit is a little insulting to SAHMs and indeed their children. (You could accuse my son of many things - being boring isn't one of them).
Now as a working mother, when I make "I couldn't do what you do" comments, its generally in a "Wow! You've certainly a lot more patience that I'd ever have" kind of way. I certainly have never meant to insult anyone.
Now as a working mother, I get my share of barbed remarks also. "Oh, how could let someone else raise your child?" "Why did you have children if you weren't prepared to raise them yourself!", and the classic "Well, if having a fancy lifetstyle is more important to you than being there for you child, then knock yourself out."
I work - I don't feel the need to discuss why, because it's no one's business but my own and at the end of the day a working mum is a working mum. But I can tell you my lifestyle is far from fancy - although I'll freely admit we are a step or two up the rung from benefits.
There is nothing as emotive in this world as telling a mother she isn't doing the whole parenting thing the right way. There is nothing as hateful (as yes, it's a strong word, but necessary in this instance) as implying a mother cares any less of her child because she works.
I've said it once and I'll say 100 times if necessary. We're all doing the best we can and the sooner we women stop bashing each other over the head for our choices (and indeed in many cases there is no choice) the better.
Perhaps we could all learn a lesson from our children and try growing up just a little.

1 comment:

BB said...

Regardless of what you choose to do, there will always be people who think it's wrong (and worse still, think they're able to judge others.) Some complain about SAHMs, whilst others think working mothers are awful. Technically, you can't win. It's up to the individual what they want to do as a parent.

Love your blog, by the way! :)

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