Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I know all there is to know...

about the waiting game...
The thing with writing is that you do a lot of waiting. You wait, in many instances, until the muse strikes and then - if you work full time like me - you wait until you get home until you actually have the opportunity to write.
Then you send your book off and wait for your agent to say whether she likes it which, even though you tend to get a response in a week or so, feels like the longest wait of your life. Until that is you send it to your publisher and wait to see if they like it ... and that's a longer wait. Every hour feels like a year. Every moment is spent paralysed with fear that they hate it and they hate you and they are scurrying away in the background trying to break your contract... and then you hear... and your breathe out... and do some rewrites... and send if off again.
Then, once you have sent it off you wait again for a publication slot. And it goes quiet and you wonder if the last year of your life has been a dream and while you do the day job and try and write something else you wonder can it really, really be true that you actually wrote a book at all?
Then you wait for it to be released, and wait for the reviews (and hope you actually get some reviews in the first place) and wait for people to tell you what they thought of it and then wait for the whole process to start again.
And all this time you are consumed with paranoia and fear and self doubt, with moments of joy. And some times you wonder if you have the mental strength to be a writer and cope with the waiting. As one who's middle names really should have been 'Instant Gratification' this is not something I cope well with.
But you remind yourself that you are in a priviledged position and being published isn't a right - it's a luxury - albeit one you work damn hard for.
But still, some times, in the horrible month that is January you wonder should you give it up and return to spending your evenings watching TV or chatting online. There's less worry and waiting in watching Corrie, but there is less reward.
Still... some times...

3 comments:

Shauna said...

oh it's true, it's all truuuue! :)

Anne Brooke said...

Only a week? You're so lucky! My agent took 5 months to come back with comments on my last completed novel, during which time I wrote three-quarters of the next.

Deeeep sigh ...

A
xxx

Claire said...

Yes, Anne I am lucky. My agent doesn't leave me hanging.
I would be for the funny farm if she did!

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