Thursday, June 12, 2008

Ranty meme

Shamelessly stolen from Keris - this one is easy (esp when I'm in a grump already) - list your pet peeves... I'm going to enjoy this one!

1) People who do not use their indicators when driving. This especially relates to people driving Volkswagon Passats who seem to think that they own the road and that all other drivers (especially nervous almost 32 year old Corsa drivers) are psychic. If I pull out in front of you because you have NOT indicated that you were coming my way then do not beep your horn at me. YOU MADE THE MISTAKE, BOYO!

2) Now this is a good one - the whole bottlefeeding is poison issue. Stop ranting about ads on TV for follow-on milk. They are not bad and evil and the work of satan. They are advertising baby food. Not everyone wants to or can breastfeed. Fair play to you if can. I sincerely from the bottom of my heart am delighted for you. Breastfeed until your child is 23 for all I care, but shut the feckity feck up about how bottlefeeding is wrong. It's not perfect but it's NOT WRONG. Phew!

3) People who use the phrase "depressed" when they are just feeling a little down. For example "The Apprentice is over, I'm so depressed". No you are not depressed. You are fed up maybe, or a little sad. You are not depressed. Your misuse of the word depression devalues the seriousness of the actual condition and Lord forbid you are ever actually really depressed in your life - because then you would be... well.... depressed!
(I know I'm verging on not making any sense here, but that's what ranting is about).

4) Similarly anyone below a size 14 who complains of being "so fat". It's never just fat, it's "so fat". Get a grip.

5) People who do not say thank you when you hold open a door for them. Now I'm not expecting anyone to bow down before me and shower me with their gratitude - but please just a short "thanks". You don't even have to make eye contact. Just acknowledge that I'm not an employee of any shopping centre/ restaurant/ train station and I'm doing you a favour.

6) People who say "Everyone has a book in them". Like it's the easiest thing in the whole world to write a book. It's not. That's like saying "everyone could win Wimbledon", or "everyone has the cure for cancer" in them. Some people just don't. Accept it and move on.

7) Bank charges.

8) People who say "it could be worse" or "cheer up" or the double whammy "cheer up, it could be worse". You deserve a smack - or several of them. How do you know that it's not already worse?

9) The Daily Mail and the people who comment on the Daily Mail website.

10) Ditto the right wing eejits who comment on the BBC news website and bleat on about Gordon Broon and Rip Off Britain. Shut up and get on with it.

11) Jimmy Carr - go away.

12) Ditto the presenters of T4. You are trying too hard to be funny. You are fooling no one.

Now, that feels better...

6 comments:

Penelope said...

I think you just became my newest girl-crush! Especially because I drive a Corsa too! I'm applauding - can you hear me?

Donna said...

These are awesome!
Love the people over size 14 thinking they're "so fat".

I have a few concepts for books, but I just don't want to commit right now - how's that for being a little masculine.

I find my self struggling with telling people things will get better or it could be worse because I feel if I can't guarantee it I have no business saying it. I don't know what I say in replace of it - probably depends on the situation.

BTW, we call them turn signals in these parts, but indicaters sounds so much more sophisticated.

Keris said...

I almost put Jimmy Carr! And I totally agree re breast/bottle feeding.

And if you think the Daily Mail and BBC comments are bad, keep away from the Guardian.

Lucie said...

As you don't like the Daily Mail and Have Your Say commenters you will love the website:
ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com

Check it out as it's hilarious and sharp - the comments are even better than some of the posts

FIONA said...

Go Claire you keep ranting girl I'm loving it, all so very true xx

Claire said...

Thank you everyone - nothing like a bit of a bile to get everyone chatting!
Checked out that "if you like it so much" website too - very funny indeed.

Ranting should be prescribed on the NHS!

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